Enjoying a little Def Leppard this evening….
Resignation & What Comes Next
I talked with my dad today and we had a good conversation about what comes next regarding my employment. Normally, I would be freaked out right now because I resigned without another job lined up, but I am trying to learn from this experience. What I have learned is why I feel the need to resign when my illness manifests in the workplace, and that I need to learn skills to advocate for myself without having to resign.
Today, I applied for a wellness job relating to seniors; it is a county-based position. I would love that! While I am hopeful, I cannot get too excited as I have never even received an interview for a county position in all of my years of applying. So, it is probably an application that is going nowhere.
This morning, I woke up and felt more balanced. I think I needed time to sleep off the PTSD-Mania. It is weird not working, but maybe I needed some downtime to recenter. I am feeling much healthier and in a better headspace right now, despite the title of the post!
–Also, a Def Leppard song.
Last year, during a manic episode, I wrote a short episodic story called “Love Bytes.” It was rejected by Asimov magazine. But I think that is okay. The story was very condensed. I would like to take that story and create a longer one from it. I just don’t know when I would have time to do that!
I really needed a lot of sleep. I have been mostly sleeping. That is usually what happens when I increase Zyprexa during a manic episode. It takes away the irritability and helps my nervous system calm down. But it makes it hard to keep up with some conversations, and it makes it hard to write.
For this evening, I think I want to continue resting and finish watching Creed.
It is still hard for me to concentrate on the movie so I start it and stop it a lot. However, I can tell my attention span is improving as I was able to complete an application.
Even though I am struggling, I still feel grateful that I am alive and that hard lessons are still valuable and growth inducing–rather than traumatic.