Tonight, I watched Rocky IV. I could nerd out on this movie. Not only is it packed with political science themes, but I think of this movie when I am going through hard times. During hard times, I call upon what I call my inner Russian. Rocky didn’t win that match because he trained like an American. He trained like a real Russian would have trained. And that is why he won.
As a kid, I was told that men who looked like Carl Weathers are not the kind of men I should look at. As an adult, I find Carl Weathers as beautiful as Sylvester Stallone. Both are exquisite specimens of male beauty.
It might surprise most people I know that I am actually a south paw. Because my former husband and I were both natural lefties, our youngest daughter is also left-handed. My oldest is the only natural right-handed person in the family. I learned to write with my right hand. But when I shoot my bow or box, I love doing so left-handed.
While I haven’t taken boxing lessons, I very much enjoyed when I had a boxing bag. It relieves a lot of stress to hit the bag until you are exhausted.
The Life I Want
I have been taking 10 mg of Zyprexa, instead of 5 mg so that I could come down from this PTSD driven mania, following a few months of depression. My daughters actually hate me taking that much as I sleep a lot, and my brain is really slow. I slept about 11 hours last night, and I am beginning to feel better. It is still hard for me to concentrate and to organize my writing, but I can tell that I am recovering.
My doctor and I knew it was a possibility that I could become manic when my Prozac was increased. However, I think that if I had been taking more time for self-care then I could have avoided this episode.
Life Outside of Work
Over the past few months, I have neglected my life outside of work. Even if I do not return to peer support, I want to focus on living my goals and interests outside of work.
I want to focus my attention and energies on:
- Writing (personal blog journal and my wellness blog)
- Exercise (yoga, weight training, and spin)
- Meditation (at least 5 minutes a day)
- Studying (fitness certifications & languages)
Managing Mental Illness
It is hard to live with Bipolar I and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. There are times when I am exhausted by my condition. And there are times when I feel like I can take every beating the world hurls at me–like Rocky.
Recently, my dentist told me that I really need to manage my stress levels if my TMJ problems are going to improve. I know what I should be doing, but sometimes I feel like I am overwhelmed by everything I need to do just to be passably normal.
Tomorrow, I am going to:
- Call my Dad
- Apply for jobs
- Take some moments to feel bliss amid my suffering.
“Burning Heart” by Survivor from Rocky IV
In the warriors code there’s no surrender
Though his body says “stop!”, his spirit cries “never!”
Deep in our soul a quiet ember knows it’s you against you
It’s the paradox that drives us on
It’s a battle of wills
In the heat of attack it’s the passion that kills
The victory is yours alone